My Roots
So im back at my roots, my family. I can tell this is and will never be a healthy place for me to be. My father is getting old and bitter, and my mom is getting small and weak. and they constantly collide. I dont even remember the last time i saw them have a normal conversation. I pray to God that this place wont give me those anxiety attacks i once had to live with for a period of my life.
I keep getting cough in the middle of it. but i have decided it was never and will never be my place to handle. I was young and naive when i thought i could help them by being their listening ears, but it killed me inside and conflicted many problems inside me.. So as a gift to myself i have realised that i can not go back down that road again. It just isnt my place.
My dads driving has gotten sloppy and reckless, and i fear that his driving will be the sudden death of me one day. Therefor I have decided to always be the driver everytime i am in the car.
I feel alone in Sweden, I mean i have a few friends, and those friends are the most amazing friends ever. But..going from a group of awesome people that always hang out, to having amazing friends that either live in a city 2 hours away, or are busy with school/work. Its not the same. I dont feel i have found where i belong here yet. Then again i never did feel like i belong in Sweden. But the soul has to go through some tough times for it to realise when it is going through amazing times. and my year in holland has truly been amazing. All the karma i have built up, and all the bad times ive had, has really payed off in holland. Everything just happened so perfectly it was like a movie.
So now im back here, gathering some more good karma so i can go away again!
Sweden IS and WILL only be a pitstop
Kommentarer
Trackback