..S.a.r.i.n.a..

Im so sick and tired of my parents keep buying me junk every night!
I've told them a million times!, Dont make me food, i want to make my own. Dont buy me stuff unless ive asked you too.
But yet they still keep consistently buying me junk and call me everytime they have made dinner. " Sarina come and eat, Sarina we made this delicous dinner. and when they ask me what i want from the store and i say, buy me a redbull or a can of diet coke. they always buy me the drink and then a junk food snack, like chips or nachos or candy. WTF I DIDENT ASK FOR THIS!.
but yet i dont have the heart to tell them that i dont want it. i just say thanx and eat it, because i know they do it because they think it makes me happy. BUT IT DOESN'T! IT MAKES ME FEEL HORRIBLE! horrible because i eat junk food and horrible because i dont have the heart to tell them that i dont want it!.

I wish they would listen to me. I know my mom doesnt like it that i dont want them to make food for me because it makes her feel that i dont need her anymore, she told me that.  I also know they keep pressuring me to eat because i eat 1-2 times a day, but the thing is i eat when im hungry. and im barley never hungry when im at home.
SO WHY WONT THEY GET OFF MY BACK!!

im going to start writing a food diary, because i honestly have no track of what im consuming anymore.
hopefully that will give me some kind of over site of what i actually need to do.  I know i dont get enough nutriets as i should, but i cant change unless i can see what it is im doing.


so its time to get my act together! starting tomorrow!

Have you ever felt that your spirit is broken?, like nothing matters anymore because your to broken to even care?. Like the people around you just drag you down to their way and sight of life?


I feel like that almost all the time. I often find myself despising the person that i have become, Its not the person that i feel like on the inside. I feel like the dynamic of my life, the situation that im living in is slowely killing my life spirit. Sometimes i find myself defending my choices, even if i dont even like the choices i make.


I also feel like everyone around me is going forward in their life, and im just stuck in my tracks, with a goal in life but not being able to see clearly along the way.

I know what my hear tells me, but im not tough enough to do it yet.

I dont know where to run...






Laying in the gras field
Imagening life
Feeling the sun kiss my skin
Empty of all misery

Singing My favorite song
Understanding happyness
Clouds forming shapes
Knowing nothing can ruin this moment
Slowly waking up, realising im still here..