Just like in a movie
They say art imitates life, its funny how when things happen to us we might think " this is just like in the movies", but in reality movies reflect on life and all that comes with it.
So here is my movie,
I went on a summer vaccation, to find myself again. I met wonderfull people and had the time of my life. I also met a guy, had a summer romance, It was a typicall summer romance, we always had fun, we found things to do every single day, we became eachothers bestfriends, not to mention all the trouble i got in from my family for being out everynight, but it was all worth it. it started out being all fun and games but eventually when you care for someone it stats getting more and more serious. We fell inlove, but we both knew i had to go back to Sweden at the end of the summer. After many tears and goodbyes i went back home. To my suprise we found a way to be able to still keep in touch and comunicate, we called eacother everday, and we decided we didnt want to just leave it as a summer romance, we wanted it to go further.
So we made plans, He was to come and visit me after he saved up enough money, his job paid really good, but not without the constant risk of getting cought. We we're going to get married and get him a citizenship so he could live here and go to school, and we could be with eachother. We continued talking on the phone everyday, God knows what we talked about. But it was the one thing i looked forward to.
As time went by he eventually had enough money, and went and orderd a new passport. "i'll see you in two weeks!", I was so excited! life couldnt be better! i was moving out of my house to my own apartment, i was becoming independent, school wasnt too hard, and the love of my life was finally coming to see me!.
If there is one thing ive learned in life, its to not get your hopes up, never tell people too much, never assume everything is going to go the way you plan it, never think life is a reliable componant. Somehow, all of my life learnings just went out the window!
I told everbody and everyone was excited for me, i started making plans of what we would do here, started daydreaming of how it would be when he got here, how it would feel when i finally got to see him again at the airport. I was in such bliss.
That one phone call; I got a phone call one night, as i do everynight, but this one was different. " we got cought, im in jail"
As i had just gotten woken up from sleep, i was still not fully conscious,
- "your kidding with me right?", "
- "i wouldnt joke about something like this, just know that I love you and i'll do everything to try and come visit you, i'll call you when i get out "
As i hung up, my whole life came crashing down, I started crying hysterically. Why was this happening? what wrong had i done for something like this being thrown at me? Whats going to happen now? Since i had no controle over the situation and i couldnt do anything, i felt so helpless. That was one of the worst days of my life. Lucky i had group project that day to get my mind of things, but as soon as i came home, i packed all my things in my room as fast as i could and told my mom to give me a ride to my apartment so i could finally move out, I couldnt stand being home around people, i just wanted to move out already. I didnt tell my mom anything, since i had no idea what was going to happen.
When i got home i got a message from him. telling me he's sorry for all of this, and that he probebly couldnt come untill next year. I broke down again; i threw myself in my bed and just cried and cried. I found another messeges from him, the other one said he was going to try and get an extension on his courtdate and then he could come visit me in 4 weeks, and go back right before his courtdate. A new light of hope was lit! It might not have been what we planed, but it was just 4 more weeks of waiting.
Things where looking up again. The next night as i was talking to him on the phone, he got another phone call so we hung up and he was going to call me back. That second phone call; He called me up again and told me to call him back, like he always does. But this time i could hear in his voice something was wrong. As i dialed the numbers i was dreading what i might hear next, somehow at that point everything was just going in slowmotion. As he picked up i got the news. That was the police officer, and he said he wasnt allowed to leave the country for another 5-6 months.
I couldnt believe it!, I dident know what to say, all i could think about was This wasnt supose to be this hard!, we where two people who met and fell inlove and wanted to be with eachother, and we just keep getting setback after setback.
We both just started crying on the phone. Was this all worth it? should we just forget about eachother? No, i certantly didnt want that. I would just feel even worst not talking to him and trying to forget him. He was my other half, he had my heart, you cant just forget something like that.
Changing gameplan; What were we to do now? " i wish i had a break from school so i could come and visit you " As i still had him on the phone, i went to my computer to check my schedual. YES! i dont have classes between december 18th to january 9th, i could totally come and visit between that period! could just save up my money, buy a ticket. This could totally work.
So here i am, sad he cant come, happy i can go visit him instead. I still have a feeling that we have alot more drama and setback ahead of us. But somehow i feel it in my gut that this is right, this is going to be all worth it. and as my driving teacher tells me " you have the right intuitions Sarina, just follow your gut feeling" So thats where i am right now.
And as they say "Nothing in the world worth having comes easy"
<3
So here is my movie,
I went on a summer vaccation, to find myself again. I met wonderfull people and had the time of my life. I also met a guy, had a summer romance, It was a typicall summer romance, we always had fun, we found things to do every single day, we became eachothers bestfriends, not to mention all the trouble i got in from my family for being out everynight, but it was all worth it. it started out being all fun and games but eventually when you care for someone it stats getting more and more serious. We fell inlove, but we both knew i had to go back to Sweden at the end of the summer. After many tears and goodbyes i went back home. To my suprise we found a way to be able to still keep in touch and comunicate, we called eacother everday, and we decided we didnt want to just leave it as a summer romance, we wanted it to go further.
So we made plans, He was to come and visit me after he saved up enough money, his job paid really good, but not without the constant risk of getting cought. We we're going to get married and get him a citizenship so he could live here and go to school, and we could be with eachother. We continued talking on the phone everyday, God knows what we talked about. But it was the one thing i looked forward to.
As time went by he eventually had enough money, and went and orderd a new passport. "i'll see you in two weeks!", I was so excited! life couldnt be better! i was moving out of my house to my own apartment, i was becoming independent, school wasnt too hard, and the love of my life was finally coming to see me!.
If there is one thing ive learned in life, its to not get your hopes up, never tell people too much, never assume everything is going to go the way you plan it, never think life is a reliable componant. Somehow, all of my life learnings just went out the window!
I told everbody and everyone was excited for me, i started making plans of what we would do here, started daydreaming of how it would be when he got here, how it would feel when i finally got to see him again at the airport. I was in such bliss.
That one phone call; I got a phone call one night, as i do everynight, but this one was different. " we got cought, im in jail"
As i had just gotten woken up from sleep, i was still not fully conscious,
- "your kidding with me right?", "
- "i wouldnt joke about something like this, just know that I love you and i'll do everything to try and come visit you, i'll call you when i get out "
As i hung up, my whole life came crashing down, I started crying hysterically. Why was this happening? what wrong had i done for something like this being thrown at me? Whats going to happen now? Since i had no controle over the situation and i couldnt do anything, i felt so helpless. That was one of the worst days of my life. Lucky i had group project that day to get my mind of things, but as soon as i came home, i packed all my things in my room as fast as i could and told my mom to give me a ride to my apartment so i could finally move out, I couldnt stand being home around people, i just wanted to move out already. I didnt tell my mom anything, since i had no idea what was going to happen.
When i got home i got a message from him. telling me he's sorry for all of this, and that he probebly couldnt come untill next year. I broke down again; i threw myself in my bed and just cried and cried. I found another messeges from him, the other one said he was going to try and get an extension on his courtdate and then he could come visit me in 4 weeks, and go back right before his courtdate. A new light of hope was lit! It might not have been what we planed, but it was just 4 more weeks of waiting.
Things where looking up again. The next night as i was talking to him on the phone, he got another phone call so we hung up and he was going to call me back. That second phone call; He called me up again and told me to call him back, like he always does. But this time i could hear in his voice something was wrong. As i dialed the numbers i was dreading what i might hear next, somehow at that point everything was just going in slowmotion. As he picked up i got the news. That was the police officer, and he said he wasnt allowed to leave the country for another 5-6 months.
I couldnt believe it!, I dident know what to say, all i could think about was This wasnt supose to be this hard!, we where two people who met and fell inlove and wanted to be with eachother, and we just keep getting setback after setback.
We both just started crying on the phone. Was this all worth it? should we just forget about eachother? No, i certantly didnt want that. I would just feel even worst not talking to him and trying to forget him. He was my other half, he had my heart, you cant just forget something like that.
Changing gameplan; What were we to do now? " i wish i had a break from school so i could come and visit you " As i still had him on the phone, i went to my computer to check my schedual. YES! i dont have classes between december 18th to january 9th, i could totally come and visit between that period! could just save up my money, buy a ticket. This could totally work.
So here i am, sad he cant come, happy i can go visit him instead. I still have a feeling that we have alot more drama and setback ahead of us. But somehow i feel it in my gut that this is right, this is going to be all worth it. and as my driving teacher tells me " you have the right intuitions Sarina, just follow your gut feeling" So thats where i am right now.
And as they say "Nothing in the world worth having comes easy"
<3
aftermath
So I did the abortion on saturday. It was the worst pain ive ever felt in my life! ive never felt so sick ever! i was in so much pain i thought i was going to die. anyways so that was 4 days ago...i have the afterbleeds now, its like period but alot more blood. but it hurts alot more. i have the worst cramps! they say im going to bleed 2-4 weeks. wtf! i just want it to be over!! im sick of being in pain.
oh and last night my whole body started aching! see ive spent the last days working my ass of at school for hours and hours, and then at night ive been painting my apartment for hours and hours, and i have barley eaten anything, so i dont have much nutrision in me, not to mension all the blood im loosing. so my whole body just feels horrible. oh and i was cold sweating tonight, woke up all sweatty. which means there is something wrong.
i dont know what to do anymore, i just wanna go back to normal...pray that i get back to normal soon!
oh and last night my whole body started aching! see ive spent the last days working my ass of at school for hours and hours, and then at night ive been painting my apartment for hours and hours, and i have barley eaten anything, so i dont have much nutrision in me, not to mension all the blood im loosing. so my whole body just feels horrible. oh and i was cold sweating tonight, woke up all sweatty. which means there is something wrong.
i dont know what to do anymore, i just wanna go back to normal...pray that i get back to normal soon!
Today
Song of the day
(sorry ayaan i know you cant listen, get headphones damit!)
So today i got to take a pill that makes my uterus dilate and soften up. hahaha then i got a little home abortion kit,( thats something you dont say everyday) which consists of pills, and pills for the pain, and also other essentials, like a rice bag that i heat up and i can have on my stomach, also giant pads for....well the blood. taking all that on saturday. the pills today just gave me cramps. ugh.
my mom thinks i shouldnt tell to many ppl...but ive only told my friends, and i happen to have quite a few that i feel i can talk to. what does it matter anyways? she's just scared about what ppl will think of me, well i dont care, shit happens...it just feels wrong keeping something like this a secret from my friends. also if i didnt tell anyone, who would be my suport system right? its not like she has the right words to say.
anyways, idol wasnt that fun today...no one that wowed me. my favorites so far is
Anna Bergendahl
Lars Eriksson
Lars is probebly the one i like best, but i dont want him to win. i want him to do his own music and get famous. totally original.
(sorry ayaan i know you cant listen, get headphones damit!)
So today i got to take a pill that makes my uterus dilate and soften up. hahaha then i got a little home abortion kit,( thats something you dont say everyday) which consists of pills, and pills for the pain, and also other essentials, like a rice bag that i heat up and i can have on my stomach, also giant pads for....well the blood. taking all that on saturday. the pills today just gave me cramps. ugh.
my mom thinks i shouldnt tell to many ppl...but ive only told my friends, and i happen to have quite a few that i feel i can talk to. what does it matter anyways? she's just scared about what ppl will think of me, well i dont care, shit happens...it just feels wrong keeping something like this a secret from my friends. also if i didnt tell anyone, who would be my suport system right? its not like she has the right words to say.
anyways, idol wasnt that fun today...no one that wowed me. my favorites so far is
Anna Bergendahl
Lars Eriksson
Lars is probebly the one i like best, but i dont want him to win. i want him to do his own music and get famous. totally original.
yeah...,
I shouldnt even be listening to this...makes it harder...i guess i like feeling sad or something, stupid me and my self destructive ways.
its 7 weeks already...
saturday is the day. doing it at home, more comfertable that way.
Nostalgic
This is for my gurlies
Always remember our good times!
Memories last forever!
Always remember our good times!
Memories last forever!