..S.a.r.i.n.a..

Hmm...i just read threw a few recent blog posts, i supose i should be writing more about things ive done, because my blog is looking really depressing. And my life is far from depressing, I live my life to the fullest each day ( well almost). And im having a blast living it.  But since i can post all the pictures on pages like facebook, bilddagboken and myspace, i really dont see a point to post them here.

This blog has become more of a sancuary where i write my thought when im down or something is bothering me or im having a self revelation moment. 

So yeah, thats it.

oh and im SICK!!!   WTF?!?! i bet it was that weekend at the forest rave...but it was still definitely worth it!

the sucky part about living on your own is when you get sick there is no one to make you food, and i have zero energy to make any...so i guess i'll just lay here and starve....( haha how ironic, inside joke)

oh i woke up at 6 am today, which means i got a total of 3 hours of sleep. YAAY!  <-- Insert sarcasm here

So i was waiting around for ayaan to call me, see us girls were supose to hang out today( because i made them both something special)  but ayaan had something she had to do first, but told us she would call us as soon as she was finished.  SO i was waiting around for her phone call...and i got bored, so i made this.

I have now realised why i have been feeling sick latley, Why whenever i stand up i feel light headed, Why i have to shower in icecold water so i wont pass out from standing up for to long. Why i feel incapable to do anything...when im alone.

I just came back from a wonderfull time with my girl Ayaan, Being with her made me feel normal and happy, I didnt feel any kind of lack of energy, eventhough i had felt like crap just moments before.

As soon as i came home i felt lightheaded again, i felt like all my energy was draining out....it hit me.

When im alone i have no one to feed of energy from, When im out..even just walking past a person..i suddently feel fine, but as soon as im by myself..everything just melts again. I need people to feel normal.

Virtual energy works, only if i am talking with someone i can relate back to memories with, like stored energy from the pictures in my head that ive had with that person.

Its one thing to be dependent on people, but still be able to function when they are alone...But what do you do when you're fine being alone, but not able to function?

My body and mind has somehow evolved into solely being able to function by feeding of peoples energy.

Dont get me wrong im not an energy stealer, i definetly dont bring people down..its the opposite, When im with a person i match my energy to that person, i adapt to that person, but when there is no one around, there is no one to adapt to but myself.

its a nice ability to have...to be able to in an instant be happy and filled with energy..just by being around a person.

however, as i have always said, im not a good loner.

This weekend im going to jönköping to my cousins/uncles house.  We are going to celebrate norouz, ( persian new year)

ive missed my cousings =) so *YAAY*

haha yesterday i was a taxidriver, ( drunk people are fun, always some kind of drama...haha)

Another trip to Neverland!

Im officially steping of the cliff. No fears, no regrets.    I love puting myself in situations like these

lonley road trip ahead.

destination point: Gävle

Yaay for random people!



We are all conected by this little thing called humanity, we are all one.

Today was bad, Really bad. I feel...clotted, slugish, both in mind and body. I wonder why things like this happen to me.
I have done absolutley nothing today, just sat on the floor, or laid in my bed, with the TV constantly on, irregardless to if i was watching it or not. Felt like i was in this never ending spiral, just in my head.

Today was lonley, My biggest accomplishment is not speaking one single word out loud.  Not that i want to, just that i dont have to. there has been no one to talk to.

Im sitting here with my window open, the cold feels nice against my skin.  -I hope i dont get sick

I dont like days like these, i thought i was a good enough person, helping people out whenever they need it, not to have these days come to me.   Whats going on karma?

I have been thinking latley where my blog is going. It started out with me just lashing out my inner thoughts because i wasnt feeling good. That was back in 2006.  Then i started writing poems and philosofical views about life. That was back when i really picked my brain and had many thoughts that i couldnt really grasp on. Then i started writing about what i was doing, just so you guys could keep on eye on me.  I think at one point i even food blogged. Then i went on my california trips and blogged about them and posted pictures.  And now, i just blogg because i feel guilty that i dont.

I dont know where i want this to go. what i want to do. But i guess thats whats so convenient about blogs, -You can do what the hell you want!




Im suprised how easily i say yes to helping people out, Whenever someone asks me a favor i almost immediately say yes. Even if its not in my convenience. I give people rides, I go to town and run their errands, I talk to other people for them, its like i cant say no to helping people.  Now im not saying this is bothering me,I enjoy making people happy, or making one part of their life a little easier.  im just having a self-revelation moment. I guess if i believe in karma, which I do, im supposingly going to get something back out of it.



well im off to town to banana moon because fredrik left some movies there and he doesnt have time to pick up the money for them because he has to work. so he asked me to do it for him. they close at 18.00 so i have to be there before that. And then i have to pick up my dad from the train staition at 18.30.  either i can pick up the money and then go home and then go back to town againg, or wait in my car for 30+ min.  hmm...what a conundrum

I just want to enhance my life experience with some kind of substance.  My life is so fucking boring right now. There is nothing fun to do. No one fun to do it with. I need help from the chemicals in my brain.  Just fucking tripp out!!

get me out of this reality and into the magical one!

I want to see colors!


I want full force seratonin! Complete and utter bliss!


I want a whole new world infron of my eyes!


Im just so fucking bored of my everyday life!

I WANT more! I CRAVE more! I NEED more!


-Just let me escape this dull reality i live in, just for one night, please

I guess im pretty blog-active.....NAAAT.  sorry haha. but honesty not alot is going on in my life.

I spent the last hour re-designing my blogg,  what do you think? i made the header all by my self! -proud smile


Whats going on in my life.

• I wake up at 8 am and go to bed around 10-11 pm
• i just got my period, YAAY - all my wories are gone.
• Im craving chocolate cake!!
• Tonight i have my cross cultural rethorics class =)
• I still havent heard back from SDSU
• I still need to send out my resumé to different places
• I dont really have motivation
• I still need to buy a swimming card, i'll do it when the week is over.

On another note. last weekend was great! i went out on friday, to Klaras, and i had so much fun that night! i didnt even drink, so i spent unde 50kr, but had the most fun night!



Saturday i drank, it was an okey night, mostly because i got to try out some new shuffle moves on the dancefloor. But it just goes to show, i probebly have more fun when im sober.

I want to play the game- I want to find someone that knows how to play the game, i miss the game, its fun and exciting. But not alot of people know how to. they just go along with whatever the other person does. that no fun!
I need to get out more and meet new people, because i know there is SOMEONE out there that knows how to play and is also dying to have some fun ;) - preferably someone hot! ;)

here's a picture of my tatoo

was the best new years of my life! ( so far)

celebraited it in L.A at a massive called together as one, ( TAO)



Euphoria with his massage vibraiters, they were awesome!


Temptation and of-beat ( my second body guard)


temptation and euphoria


Me and my two security guards, straight from the marienes!


So beautiful


Can you say hiiiiiiggghhh!?










I Defenetly want to go back for next year!

Hope everyonew had a nice newyears =)

i love raving and im having so much fun meating people

i got a new ravename,  butterfly becomes....  Temptation!


temptation and euphoria


Ace High and temptation


Temptation and some random raver

im high as fuck haha!


the end of the world, was the first rave i went to when i got here. it was SO MUCH FUN! =D

Im alive, ive just been busy or to lazy to write. im having alot of fun meeting new people. and dont worry im not making the same mistake i did last time by falling in love with someone, haha!

i still havent seen steven yet, i dont know what to do. im letting it play out by its self. eventually i
ll do something.

Im going to my aunts house today. you know i have to see the reletives and all.


miss everyone!

hemma fest


couddle puddle!


alla ar hoga pa E haha




Im in the cool gang!


the day after:
We went looking for some snow in the mountains. (as was everyone else!)



We found some!


oh noo!


yo whats up!


Me trying to act like a professional photographer, (like always, haha)

Okey, so im all packed up, and ive cleaned my apartment. All thats left now is going to my parents house, eating my final meal haha, i had them buy me sil, potato and rödbetsallad. and lussebulle and glögg. 

since i wont get my traditional swedish christmas dinner, im  having a mini one before i go.

so my buss leaves at 01.45 tonight, its going to be a painfull travel there, i have to go on 3 different flights *UUUHH* its going to be a bitch. but sometimes you have to sacrifise.

im going to miss EVERYONE and EVERYTHING here!! but keep cheking out my blog. this will be my second usa blog haha, i'll try to update alot more this time!

ugh i still dont know what im going to do with the whole Steven thing, i'll have to figure it out when i get there.

marry christmas everyone! and have a happy new year!

i'll be raving my ass off! haha hopefully =P