..S.a.r.i.n.a..

gosh ive done SO MUCh since i last posted, i really should start updating more often.  It would be too much for me to write everything, so i'll just post some pictures and some text with them.

firstly, you guys do know i have a bilddagbok right?, i post there more often. so check it out: my username is sarre88


Well ive hung out with Dan and Emin ALOT latley, a little too much maybe ;)




HAHA nice ;)                                          Im not mad, the sun is in my face =P

what can you do 2 am in vivalla? play colliding games with shopping carts =P
Me and Johanna bought friendship bracelets =D ( but mine broke, so now she is going to make them into necklecess)

I've also been out to Frimis with my girles =D
 
i always have fun with them =)


Lastley, i was in stockholm with the guys. too bad everyone was hung over and it was super hott outside!


one last thing. i got my new phone yesterday!!! =D

Its so damn sexy!!   dont ask me why i havent taken off the plastic cover yet, it just feels wrong =P haha

what am i doing today?

ive been so bussy latley, im like never home, so im going to clean my room, and just chill today, take care of myself you know.


so there you go there is my update, have a nice day. 10 days till i leave for california <3

Finally!! i finnished and passed the math D curse! and now i can finally get into the university!!! YAAAYYY

ITS NICEE!!

Idag har jag plugga matte D i typ 5-6 timmar! satt med ayaan och nema i universitets biblan, sen drog ayaan...hon verkar alltid ha brottom hem. hon hade väll en choklad kaka som väntade på henne hemma eller nåt ;) haha.

Så jag och nema satt kvar och plugga, fick verkligen massa gjort. ÄLSKAR att sitta där! blir så " in the mood" att plugga:)



Vad vill du =P.

Ayaan va dock inte lika paparazzi sugen =P

Haha diva =P

Fast nema visade gärna sina vackra ögon *wink*



Sen tog vi en rast och gick och lekte lite i ängarna bakom universitetet. det va jätte fint där!.





WIEEEE! haha



"DONT SHOOT, DONT SHOOT!" haha bästa bilden =P

I dont like the way i look right now, im not comfertable in my body, i feel like im crawling out of my skin. I dont like my big arms, my D-cup boobs. My Big thighs that rub against eachother when i walk, My expanding waistline. I dont want ANY of it!. I miss the way i used to look, the way im supose to look.  When i see myself in the mirror, i dont see myself. I see someone else, someone im not supose to be. I dont like how i look like righ now. I want to go back to my old body, the one i was happy with....i just dont know how to get there anymore..

And i dont want any comments saying that i look fine and beautiful and all that, because this isnt about how people see me, this is how i see myself.





I see myself gradually turning into the before picture.

I HATE THIS! I HATE THIS! I HATE THIS I HATE THIS!

im so sick and tired of sitting in my room for days and days!!

ive been fucking stuck in my room now for 4 fucking days straight, and its not the first time this happens! and the weather is beautiful! but NO ONE wants to do anything!! everyones always to bussy with school or work or to tired or something!!

what the fuck!!! i HATE BEING INSIDE! im NOT an inside person! but i have NO ONE to hang out with!
whats wrong with people?!   this is how i got fat in the first place! i had no friends, and i just sat inside all day watching tv and eating.  and NOW look at me! ITS THE SAME SHIT!!.  I HATE THIS I HATE THIS I HATE THIS!!!

people tell me to find new friends, well I TRY! i always try!! everytime i meet some one new im always open to hang out, and i come with suggestions and everything! BUT PEOPLE DONT WANT NEW FRIENDS! they just want their regular ones!  AND IM SO FUCKING TIRED OF THROWING MYSELF AT POEPLE THAT DONT EVEN APPRIECHIATE IT!

IM ALWYS UP FOR DOING STUFF! ALWAYS!  people can always count on me to be there when they want to do something....WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE?!  why can they count on ME but i cant count on THEM!.

what the hell!!....i know i dont have many fiends. but i even reach out to people i dont normally hang out with...and NOTHING...NO ONE!!


I HATE THIS I HATE THIS I HATE THIS: IM GOING FUCKING INSANE!!!  I CANT TAKE IT ANYMORE!

and NO i dont wanna hang in your room or apartment! that just going from one room to another!  why are people so booring!!!!!!

I HATE YOU ALL!!!!

I do so much, but at the end of the day i just dont have the energy to sit and write about it.  I'll rather write when i have something important to say, or i feel i need to express myself. Not just so you guys can keep track of what im doing.

So yesterday was a beautiful sunday, so i decided to go exploring the woods that souround our area, to my surpise there where actually paths that you could walk on. it wasnt just moss everywhere.  I took a bunch of photos, you see i believe that there are creatures in the woods that are blind to the naked eye. and we need video or pictures to be able to see them.  looking back at the pictures i was right!  here is what i found

A fairy! ( its really hard to see on here, you actually have to zoom to see better, but thats not possible on here)
the head is white shining light, the wings are blue and the legs are transparent.

it certantly doesn't look like it belongs there.

The next thing i noticed in some picture was this wierd green light source. Its wasnt in all pictures, but in these 4.

It really doesnt look like it belongs there either, almost looks fake.  wierd..

I always knew there where mysterious things in the forest!

So i broke up with chris today....it was hard, one of the hardest things. But i had to do it. I couldn't just keep on pretending anymore, pretending that whenever he said "i love you" i dident feel uncomfortable, pretending that whenever i say "i love you" that i dident feel guilty for not being true to me or him. pretending that i often dident feel trapped, pretending that i was completly happy.

I mean i still care for him, he will always have a place in my hear, just a different place. I had to do this for myself. i have to find out what i want, and i cant let anything get in my way.

And no i dident just throw away a 2 year relationship. we had an incredible 2 years, and we will always have those 2 years, they just dont dissapear. They will always be there whenever we look back on our path of life.

I dont know what the future holds, if there is something ive learned from chris is to not plan ahead. So thats how im living my life now.

Life Is A Series Of Decisions And Experiences.

-lets see what my next adventure has for me.

Today i woke up at chris' place, around 11 am. i stayed in bed watching TV while i was waiting for him to get back. but then at some point i fell asleep again and woke up at 3 pm! wtf!  hopefully i wont wake up that late tomorrow.

so i wasnt sure what to eat at chris place, i dident know what he had, if it was all junk food or not. but luckly i found some frozen broccoli, and the only think that wasnt meat or chicken was some fishsticks. I knew i dident want to eat the bread coverd part, so fried the fishsticks a little so i could get the bread cover off, and then i just fried the fish filés. and boild the broccoli.
now let me tell you, when you take of the cover of fish sticks you realise there isnt much fish there! i had three small fish sticks, i wasnt sure what kind of fish it was, but it was white.

unfortunatly i dont have a picture, because i left my camera at home, but for your visuall pleasure i DID take the time to draw you a picture! haha excuse my lack of drawing skills.

lunch? (omg) - 3 boild broccoli heads, 3 small fish filés, 1 glass of water.

haha see what i do for you ppl!. 

my excersise today was one hour dance class. *YAAY FOR DANCE!* its fun=D

then when i came home i had a bowl of cheerios cerial with banana slices and milk.   nice little dinner =D
i dident take a picture, *BAD SARINA!*. but im not going to draw that!


im hungry right now, but i dont want to eat, so im just chewing gum after gum haha.

ciao!

So yet again im writing about yesterday. So i managed to stay up all night and all day, however i STILL woke up late, well i woke up, then i watched tv and fell asleep again [do'h]

So yesterday i decided to have a big breakfast, and a smaller dinner. ( apparently lunch just isn't excisitng in my life)

it ended up being a BIG breakfast! never had that much before.

Breakfast- 2 whole wheat toasts, with cheese and tomato slices. 1 small bowl of oatmeal, 1 cup of greentea.



then later that day i went to chris' place and spent the night. and suprisingly i wasnt hungry through out the day. I guess breafast is a good thing!. so i basicly only had breakfast yesterday. BUT it was a BIG breakfast!

Yesterday's intake

Breakfast- A bowl of cherios with  milk


* i also had 0.5 L of water.
* then at 6 pm i had an eccpressochoco from the automat at wadköpings utbildnings center.

Dinner- 1 oven baked thai quorn filé
               2 boild potatos
               a bunch of oven baked greenbeans
               1can diet coke


I had nothing fried today, *yaay* haha everything was oven baked and the potato (over) boild.

im staying up all night, so ive had 2 powerkings.


The reason why im staying up all night is because i cant fall asleep untill like 4-5 am, and falling asleep at that time makes me wake up really late which makes me miss the whole day. So i figured staying upp all night will make me fall asleep early tomorrow.

its 09.45 am now( tuesday), so obviously im writing as if it was yesterday =P. i'll write later tonight of what my intake is for the day.
              

So for lunch i had

rice with a greenbean & potato stew.

for dinner i had this:

todaydays intake.

shrimp sallad with 3 slices of whole wheat baguett ( at la baguett)
1 bottle of water 0.5 L
1 small caffe latte caramell
4 ballerina cookies.
1 bottle of water 0.5 L

todays excersise was 1 hour dance class. at the end i blacked out for 2 seconds while we went though the dance, it was scary. but i was super dehydrated. and i sweat alot.

Fluid Pushes Fluid- the more you drink the more you need water.

That was my day, i woke up, went to town to meet my friend, walked around. had my shrimp sallad. and then we went to dance class. and i came home. yaay lol my days arent verry eventfull.

lets start off with todays intake.

Lunch-A plate with 1/4 rice with 3 tablespoons of yogurt based curry souce and 2 quorn dogs.
Dessert-1 piece of wild berry cake
Dinner- half a bowl of rice mixed with lenses and raisens ( persian rice mix)
Snack- 2 slices of whole wheat bread with philadelphia paprika on.


other than that ive had some juice and a bunch of throat pastelles because i have been caughing up my lungs the whole day.

woah i ate ALOT today!

So today i havent done anything, just played some sims 2, watched Enchanted ( good movie), watched tv. went to the store to buy something for my throat.

ive been so lazy. but hey thats what sundays are for right?

I know i have to start drinking water again. Like i used to do. I always carried around a water bottle to school and i drank water constantly. I know its good for me. So i know i need to start with that.

tomorrows monday. and mondays means a new beginning. So as of tomorrow im going to start with my water bottle again!

im thankfull for any kind of tips and suggestions.  like i want to eat more fish, but what kind of fish should i buy? and how much does it cost? i like white fish. but i have never bought fish before, other than fish sticks =P. but those arnt good for you.

i need more protiene and veggies in my diet. so please if you guys have any suggestions just keep em' coming in! im thankfull for all of them =D

okeey so this is my intake today.

14-15 pm a bowl of wooked veggies & rice with soy souce.
after that i dident do much eating..
1 can of poweking.
then througout the day i had some sour coated alghrens bilar ( they are SOO good!)

my family decided to go and get pizza and i said i dident want any because i wasnt hungry, but i said i wanted a can of diet coke. DO YOU KNOW WHAT THEY BROUGHT ME? ofcourse you dont, thats why you are reading this. they bought me a shrimp sallad. DID I ASK FOR A FREAKING SHRIMP SALLAD??!?! NOOO!! ALL I WANTED WAS A CAN OF DIET COKE. and you know what....?  THEY DIDENT EVEN BRING ME THE CAN OF DIET COKE!..  yet another example of how they bring me stuff i havent asked for!   ofcourse i couldent say anything. so i said thanx and had 2/3 of it. what was i supose to say? i dident want them to have spend like 50 kr in vain.

IM SO SICK OF THIS!.

so yeah add a freaking shrimp sallad to my intake.

my excersise to day was 4 hours of cleaning and remodeling my room. *yaay*

So lets start with talking about what i consumed yesterday, to try to get a overview of how im eating

so i dident actually do alot of eating yesterday, more drinking.
i had:
1 can redbull
1 can diet coke
1 carrot stick
2 cucumber sticks ( dipped in some kind of dip)
 
then i went to klaras and had
3 xider manadine chilie
1 sex on the beach ( which was disgusting)

then when i came home i was hungry, so i had a bowl of pasta with tomato souce 40 % pasta 60% souce haha

well as you can see im not eating consistent meals.  maybe this was just momentarly.

thanx for all the comments.

Im so sick and tired of my parents keep buying me junk every night!
I've told them a million times!, Dont make me food, i want to make my own. Dont buy me stuff unless ive asked you too.
But yet they still keep consistently buying me junk and call me everytime they have made dinner. " Sarina come and eat, Sarina we made this delicous dinner. and when they ask me what i want from the store and i say, buy me a redbull or a can of diet coke. they always buy me the drink and then a junk food snack, like chips or nachos or candy. WTF I DIDENT ASK FOR THIS!.
but yet i dont have the heart to tell them that i dont want it. i just say thanx and eat it, because i know they do it because they think it makes me happy. BUT IT DOESN'T! IT MAKES ME FEEL HORRIBLE! horrible because i eat junk food and horrible because i dont have the heart to tell them that i dont want it!.

I wish they would listen to me. I know my mom doesnt like it that i dont want them to make food for me because it makes her feel that i dont need her anymore, she told me that.  I also know they keep pressuring me to eat because i eat 1-2 times a day, but the thing is i eat when im hungry. and im barley never hungry when im at home.
SO WHY WONT THEY GET OFF MY BACK!!

im going to start writing a food diary, because i honestly have no track of what im consuming anymore.
hopefully that will give me some kind of over site of what i actually need to do.  I know i dont get enough nutriets as i should, but i cant change unless i can see what it is im doing.


so its time to get my act together! starting tomorrow!

Have you ever felt that your spirit is broken?, like nothing matters anymore because your to broken to even care?. Like the people around you just drag you down to their way and sight of life?


I feel like that almost all the time. I often find myself despising the person that i have become, Its not the person that i feel like on the inside. I feel like the dynamic of my life, the situation that im living in is slowely killing my life spirit. Sometimes i find myself defending my choices, even if i dont even like the choices i make.


I also feel like everyone around me is going forward in their life, and im just stuck in my tracks, with a goal in life but not being able to see clearly along the way.

I know what my hear tells me, but im not tough enough to do it yet.

I dont know where to run...






Laying in the gras field
Imagening life
Feeling the sun kiss my skin
Empty of all misery

Singing My favorite song
Understanding happyness
Clouds forming shapes
Knowing nothing can ruin this moment
Slowly waking up, realising im still here..

I like the fact that people have to request me to write a new blog, for me to actually get my lazy ass and write one.
haha thanx emma!

So ive finally started to prepair for my trip to california this summer. i dont kow if i have mentioned this previously, but this summer im going to be gone for 2 months, im going to my friend paddi in san diego with my friend johanna. And after she leaves to go back home in july, im going down to the OC to be with my family.
 My cousin is getting married.

See i have never been to a wedding before, so im super excited that my first wedding is going to me an american one!! haha i think you guys know how happy i am about that.

So yesterday and today i actually had breakfast!  OMG! I havent had breakfast for years!, but as we all know breakfast is the most important meal of the day. However all i had was a cup of tea and an orange. but still its an improvment!

Then i walked 4 km home from town. Then i went back to town again for a quick meet with johanna and then i went swimming for 70 min. 

But i think im eating to little because I can feel my body not recovering from all the excersise i did yesterday, because im still exhousted. Oh well whatever haha.

So today i wrote my final exam in georgraphy. I hadent prepaird for it at all, so we will see how it went.

Then later today im having coffie with chris

Can you believe that next monday is our  2 year anniversery! Its crazy how life goes fast! i still remember when i wrote that it was our 1 year anniversary. The years go by fast!.

well thats it for me, im going to plan my outfit for coffie with chris now =P


cherios! <3