Goodmorning Sweden
After requests from my dear ayaan and nema, i will finally write a new entry. I cant say no to you girls ;)
So its about 6 am. and i have been up for 12 hours which means i woke up at 6 pm last night. I have complitely flipped my sleeping schedual. Thats what you get from spending 3 nights at chris' place with your laptop, playing games all night long and sleeping all day.
I would stay up to flip it back again, but its new years today and i dont want to be tired! so i'll probebly get as much sleep as possible.
Todays schedual
* being woken up to celebrate sabinas birthday with breakfast in bed. aproxemetly around 9-10 am.
* Going back to sleep
* waking up to call chris at 1 pm
* going to town to meet him and johan to buy alcohol at 2 pm
* going back to sleep
* and then finally waking up at 5 to shower and get ready for a wild night out!
So how was my christmas?
I hate christmas, Only for the fact thats the one occasion where my whole family gets together. And God knows, our family whould NOT be together. The morning started with fighting and arguing and crying and yelling. Thank God we always go for christmas dinner at our Godparents house in Karlstad, where we atleast get to pretend to be a normal family. That part of christmas was nice. However once we got home it was the regular fighting and arguing and yelling and crying again. Untill one of the family member went a way. my brother. Now dont get me wrong, this isnt my brothers faulth, it could have been anyone that left, and things would calm down again. The fact is we CAN NOT be all 4 of us under the same roof.
2008 Is going to me a redemption year, im taking back everything that ive lost, and renewing all that is bad. and changing all that needs to be changes and finding new experiences.
So its about 6 am. and i have been up for 12 hours which means i woke up at 6 pm last night. I have complitely flipped my sleeping schedual. Thats what you get from spending 3 nights at chris' place with your laptop, playing games all night long and sleeping all day.
I would stay up to flip it back again, but its new years today and i dont want to be tired! so i'll probebly get as much sleep as possible.
Todays schedual
* being woken up to celebrate sabinas birthday with breakfast in bed. aproxemetly around 9-10 am.
* Going back to sleep
* waking up to call chris at 1 pm
* going to town to meet him and johan to buy alcohol at 2 pm
* going back to sleep
* and then finally waking up at 5 to shower and get ready for a wild night out!
So how was my christmas?
I hate christmas, Only for the fact thats the one occasion where my whole family gets together. And God knows, our family whould NOT be together. The morning started with fighting and arguing and crying and yelling. Thank God we always go for christmas dinner at our Godparents house in Karlstad, where we atleast get to pretend to be a normal family. That part of christmas was nice. However once we got home it was the regular fighting and arguing and yelling and crying again. Untill one of the family member went a way. my brother. Now dont get me wrong, this isnt my brothers faulth, it could have been anyone that left, and things would calm down again. The fact is we CAN NOT be all 4 of us under the same roof.
2008 Is going to me a redemption year, im taking back everything that ive lost, and renewing all that is bad. and changing all that needs to be changes and finding new experiences.
Another Sleepless Night
Today was one of those days that twilight between being productive but not feeling productive enough to be proud of yourself.
Started off by going to my doctors apointment, to talk about my stomach problems. Now let me tell you, i dont know if it was an act just because i was a young person or if she really was like that. Eitherway, i did NOT like her attitude! she was so cocky! and talked to me like we were buddies or something! i got really annoid!. Anyways, so they took some blood tests to see if i was allergic to gluten, and other stuff. But she said that i was lactose intolerant. I feel sorry for people that invite me over for dinner or something, first i dont eat meat and chicken and now i cant eat dairy, im just gonna hide in my room from now on. Oh and the woman that took my blood test sucked! im so used to getting a needle in my arm so i dont really feel anything anymore, but she made it relly hurt! and then when she took it out it hurt even more! and then i got a little bruse from the needle. ive never gotten a bruse before!. ugh. I also got a perscription for calcium oxide supplement ( kalk tabletter) since i dont drink milk, and havent for several years. and also some powder im supose to spread over my food, but i will probebly forget.
Then i came home, for like 5 min and then i had some stuff to do at home, ( nilo you know what im talking about). and for all other people, let me just say that somehow ive become "the go to-person" in this house. so i hear everyday, several times a day, " sarina do this", "sarina can you do that", "sarina help with this", "sarina write this," Its rediculous! Then i went to town and bought chris his x-mas present, and went and got my perscriptions. Oh and i checked my fonds, and got a telephone bank thingy, and signed up to get a visa card. Now that im going to San Diego this summer.
When i finally got home for real, i got a dredfull letter from CSN saying that since ive been skipping my distans class ( that i only signed up to so i could get 400 points, so i could get studiebidrag), since november, they can demand the money back. which will be like 2100 kr. WTF? why do they have to care if i skip a class that im going to take off my grades anyways because i'll have to many points! Ugh now where the hell am i supose to get THAT money? and there is no way im telling my parents, they wont understand, all they are going to register in their brain is " sarina skipped her class" ugh, i dunno..we'll see how it goes.
anyways i still cant sleep so.... here is a song..
nvm i dont know how to add youtube videos on here, so if some one knows, please tell me.
Started off by going to my doctors apointment, to talk about my stomach problems. Now let me tell you, i dont know if it was an act just because i was a young person or if she really was like that. Eitherway, i did NOT like her attitude! she was so cocky! and talked to me like we were buddies or something! i got really annoid!. Anyways, so they took some blood tests to see if i was allergic to gluten, and other stuff. But she said that i was lactose intolerant. I feel sorry for people that invite me over for dinner or something, first i dont eat meat and chicken and now i cant eat dairy, im just gonna hide in my room from now on. Oh and the woman that took my blood test sucked! im so used to getting a needle in my arm so i dont really feel anything anymore, but she made it relly hurt! and then when she took it out it hurt even more! and then i got a little bruse from the needle. ive never gotten a bruse before!. ugh. I also got a perscription for calcium oxide supplement ( kalk tabletter) since i dont drink milk, and havent for several years. and also some powder im supose to spread over my food, but i will probebly forget.
Then i came home, for like 5 min and then i had some stuff to do at home, ( nilo you know what im talking about). and for all other people, let me just say that somehow ive become "the go to-person" in this house. so i hear everyday, several times a day, " sarina do this", "sarina can you do that", "sarina help with this", "sarina write this," Its rediculous! Then i went to town and bought chris his x-mas present, and went and got my perscriptions. Oh and i checked my fonds, and got a telephone bank thingy, and signed up to get a visa card. Now that im going to San Diego this summer.
When i finally got home for real, i got a dredfull letter from CSN saying that since ive been skipping my distans class ( that i only signed up to so i could get 400 points, so i could get studiebidrag), since november, they can demand the money back. which will be like 2100 kr. WTF? why do they have to care if i skip a class that im going to take off my grades anyways because i'll have to many points! Ugh now where the hell am i supose to get THAT money? and there is no way im telling my parents, they wont understand, all they are going to register in their brain is " sarina skipped her class" ugh, i dunno..we'll see how it goes.
anyways i still cant sleep so.... here is a song..
nvm i dont know how to add youtube videos on here, so if some one knows, please tell me.
Reality Vs Fiction - A battle of the mind.
Today I had to fake my self out of a math test by saying that I had been sick with the stomach flue and was just getting better.
Now, I have never had stomach flue before so i practecly improvised my little "act" for my teacher.
I predicted a stomach flue would make you nauses, stomach pains, feber, tirednes.
So that is what i was faking.
My teacher totally ate every singe lie, and told me to go home and hoped i would get better.
But then something strange happend.
Dont get me wrong, im used to faking that im sick, but this time i faked it so well that my own mind started thinking i was sick.
I got all the symptons that i imagined i would have.
They stayed with me the whole day and now, at middle of the night, i still feel nauses.
I honestly dont know whats real and whats in my mind anymore. It makes me think about how we see life.
Do all the things that we experience inside ourselfs actually happen, or are some things just in our minds?
And if so, are the unnecessary things that we really dont need to feel but yet by habit feel anyways, come from our minds?.
Or is it those important feelings that our minds need to feel to be able to cope with this, oh so complecated life that are the fictional ones?.
I dont know, but this nausea, and cold sweat sure does feel real. What if it is real, and im just refusing to believe my bodies signals.
Im entirely caputred in this limbo between reality and fiction, i have been all my life, does that make my life harder, or easier?
Now, I have never had stomach flue before so i practecly improvised my little "act" for my teacher.
I predicted a stomach flue would make you nauses, stomach pains, feber, tirednes.
So that is what i was faking.
My teacher totally ate every singe lie, and told me to go home and hoped i would get better.
But then something strange happend.
Dont get me wrong, im used to faking that im sick, but this time i faked it so well that my own mind started thinking i was sick.
I got all the symptons that i imagined i would have.
They stayed with me the whole day and now, at middle of the night, i still feel nauses.
I honestly dont know whats real and whats in my mind anymore. It makes me think about how we see life.
Do all the things that we experience inside ourselfs actually happen, or are some things just in our minds?
And if so, are the unnecessary things that we really dont need to feel but yet by habit feel anyways, come from our minds?.
Or is it those important feelings that our minds need to feel to be able to cope with this, oh so complecated life that are the fictional ones?.
I dont know, but this nausea, and cold sweat sure does feel real. What if it is real, and im just refusing to believe my bodies signals.
Im entirely caputred in this limbo between reality and fiction, i have been all my life, does that make my life harder, or easier?
We like to get drunk and play guitar hero!
And so the sun came up, and the wind blew, the rain mixed snow pured down. But this wasent just anyother day, infact this particular day on november 28th was the day i turned one year older. 19!
So the day started by my family coming into my room at 6.am with woffles and cake and presents. I got shoes and skin care product from mary kay. Then it was off to class and after class i met ayaan and we went to the university to meet nema. See i thought we were just going to hang out and have fun.
So the day started by my family coming into my room at 6.am with woffles and cake and presents. I got shoes and skin care product from mary kay. Then it was off to class and after class i met ayaan and we went to the university to meet nema. See i thought we were just going to hang out and have fun.
But they suprised me with cake and scones!
Then i got birthday cards
Then we went to town and checked out the new krämaren. I had an awesome time! thank you girl! =D
When i got home i was so exhousted. But i wanted to celebrate so jonas,johan,steve and petter came over and we drank and played guitar hero. it was really fun!
haha what a rocker!
Then we went out. and Chris felt better so he came out with us.
Towards the night i was so exhousted i just wanted to go home and sleep so i went home around 1 while everyone else stayed out.
I just want to say thanks to everyone that helped me celebrate my birthday with me! =D
Then i got birthday cards
Then we went to town and checked out the new krämaren. I had an awesome time! thank you girl! =D
When i got home i was so exhousted. But i wanted to celebrate so jonas,johan,steve and petter came over and we drank and played guitar hero. it was really fun!
haha what a rocker!Then we went out. and Chris felt better so he came out with us.
Towards the night i was so exhousted i just wanted to go home and sleep so i went home around 1 while everyone else stayed out.
I just want to say thanks to everyone that helped me celebrate my birthday with me! =D
Pre Birth-Day Reflections...
MMmmMm...vanilla flavoured soya based yogurt! anyways enough of that.
So today is exactly 1 week untill my 19th birthday. What are my thoughts about it? I say lets skip 19 and go directly to 20! Seriously being 19 is just such an unnecessary year.
So therefore i am not that interested or excited for my birthday on wednesday november 28th. However i AM excited to see my gurlies Ayoo & Nemo! *YAAY* =D We are just going to sit around and talk and enjoy eachothers company and the best of all LAUGH ALL THE TIME!! just like the old days! Im so excited!! =D. But also we have to remember that someonce birthday is a day that is just for that person. the day should evolve around that person only and everyone has to be extra nice to that person and prais that person with kindness, and do anything to make that person have a great time.
If only that was true....
I complained about how i wanted change, but now i just want to go back to how it used to be...
love sarina <3
So today is exactly 1 week untill my 19th birthday. What are my thoughts about it? I say lets skip 19 and go directly to 20! Seriously being 19 is just such an unnecessary year.
So therefore i am not that interested or excited for my birthday on wednesday november 28th. However i AM excited to see my gurlies Ayoo & Nemo! *YAAY* =D We are just going to sit around and talk and enjoy eachothers company and the best of all LAUGH ALL THE TIME!! just like the old days! Im so excited!! =D. But also we have to remember that someonce birthday is a day that is just for that person. the day should evolve around that person only and everyone has to be extra nice to that person and prais that person with kindness, and do anything to make that person have a great time.
If only that was true....
I complained about how i wanted change, but now i just want to go back to how it used to be...
love sarina <3
hopelessly falling...
You know what irritates me?, see i have estimated that if i leave 7 min from my house i will reach the bus station in time before the bus comes, now this plan has NEVER failed me! im always in time for the bus, except for one situation...when the bus is EARLY!. this morning the buss was 4 min EARLY! thats almost 5 min before its supose to be here! buses arent supose to be allowed to be EARLY! i mean come on! what are they thinking with?!, what if people have to get to some important meeting and they miss the bus because ITS EARLY! almost 5 min!!! thats outreagous!! they arent allowed to be early!. Someone should write them a letter.
Anyways so for a long time now i have absolutly NO energy to do anything anymore! im tired ALL the time! and its really getting in the way of my life. I have no energy to study, or swim, or even clean my room!. and no matter if i go to bed at 10 pm instead of 01.00 i STILL dont have the energy throughout the day.
I think its this exsess fat that ive managed to grow on my body. Its taking all my energy and its really anoing!. they say when you excersise you have more energy, well that makes sence right? excersing means that there is less fat to take your energy. But i have a question; if you have no energy because you are fat, how are you supose to get the energy to work out so that you can get more energy from being not so fat?. I dont have the energy to work out, but yet that is what i have to do to GET energy!. its confusing!
I would rather just not do anything and starve away the fat, but then i woulden't have energy anyways because i wouldent have the nutrients for any energy.
All this talk about energy! i mean i can eat how many vitamin and nutrients and rosenrot pills as i can, but its still not helping me! and i dont know what to do!! HELP!!. even writing this blogg is making my arms tired.
Its crazy! i just want to sleep all day and stay up all night! but i cant!.
im so confused i dont know what to do. I NEED ENERGY AND I CANT FIGURE OUT HOW TO GET IT!. IM DESPERATE!! PRAY FOR ME SOMEONE!
Anyways so for a long time now i have absolutly NO energy to do anything anymore! im tired ALL the time! and its really getting in the way of my life. I have no energy to study, or swim, or even clean my room!. and no matter if i go to bed at 10 pm instead of 01.00 i STILL dont have the energy throughout the day.
I think its this exsess fat that ive managed to grow on my body. Its taking all my energy and its really anoing!. they say when you excersise you have more energy, well that makes sence right? excersing means that there is less fat to take your energy. But i have a question; if you have no energy because you are fat, how are you supose to get the energy to work out so that you can get more energy from being not so fat?. I dont have the energy to work out, but yet that is what i have to do to GET energy!. its confusing!
I would rather just not do anything and starve away the fat, but then i woulden't have energy anyways because i wouldent have the nutrients for any energy.
All this talk about energy! i mean i can eat how many vitamin and nutrients and rosenrot pills as i can, but its still not helping me! and i dont know what to do!! HELP!!. even writing this blogg is making my arms tired.
Its crazy! i just want to sleep all day and stay up all night! but i cant!.
im so confused i dont know what to do. I NEED ENERGY AND I CANT FIGURE OUT HOW TO GET IT!. IM DESPERATE!! PRAY FOR ME SOMEONE!
update
new update coming soon!
hahah full!
jaa jag kom nyss hem från krogen, så jag är ganska full haha så här skriver jag när jag är full..MOHAHAHA!
jag va med johanna o hennes kompis ( just nu kommer jag ej ihåg vad hon hette) vi va först på MM o tog en cider,sen drog vi till backstage. 70 kr inträde ( fyfan vad dyrt) men altså de va det värt. för FYFAN VAD SOFT DE VA DÄR INNE! de va typ hiphop o reggie aktigt. o alla va helt softa o dansgolvet va packad, o man kännde massa! fyfan vad varm de va!! svettades nog av alla kalorier jag drack =P haha
just nu är jag inte hungrig, utan mest sugen på mat. trots allt har jag inte ätit mer än ett stekt egg i morse. o sen har jag ju druckit typ 3 xider, o blev bjuden på en shott. haha ja ghadde fett kul iallfafll!!! yaaay!
jag va med johanna o hennes kompis ( just nu kommer jag ej ihåg vad hon hette) vi va först på MM o tog en cider,sen drog vi till backstage. 70 kr inträde ( fyfan vad dyrt) men altså de va det värt. för FYFAN VAD SOFT DE VA DÄR INNE! de va typ hiphop o reggie aktigt. o alla va helt softa o dansgolvet va packad, o man kännde massa! fyfan vad varm de va!! svettades nog av alla kalorier jag drack =P haha
just nu är jag inte hungrig, utan mest sugen på mat. trots allt har jag inte ätit mer än ett stekt egg i morse. o sen har jag ju druckit typ 3 xider, o blev bjuden på en shott. haha ja ghadde fett kul iallfafll!!! yaaay!
Tired Of School
Im seriously so sick and tired of school...im sick and tired of everything actually. i just want to lay in my bed and hide away from this world. There is nothing that can change my mind right now. I dont feel like going to my classes, not that they are going bad, im doing very good actually, specially in my math classes. Its just these late classes, swedish C and psycology B that i took just so i could get some money for all this shit. And i dont feel like going to those classes because they are not important to me.
everything just makes me tired, i dont know what to do. i think its the weather thats effecting me. or my period, i dont know. All i know is that im fed up.
Im having trouble getting up in the morning. seriously...its like i just wont wake up anymore, even if the alam on my cellphone is on. This is not good.
I could really use a weekend and an energy drink right now.
So party on fridaaay yeaaaah!!. but you know...nothing turns out the way you want it to. so its probebly going to be a distaster, or i wont even go out or something.
Oh and on friday i have a meeting with the boss of Coop forum here in Lillån. I hope i get a job. pray for me!
everything just makes me tired, i dont know what to do. i think its the weather thats effecting me. or my period, i dont know. All i know is that im fed up.
Im having trouble getting up in the morning. seriously...its like i just wont wake up anymore, even if the alam on my cellphone is on. This is not good.
I could really use a weekend and an energy drink right now.
So party on fridaaay yeaaaah!!. but you know...nothing turns out the way you want it to. so its probebly going to be a distaster, or i wont even go out or something.
Oh and on friday i have a meeting with the boss of Coop forum here in Lillån. I hope i get a job. pray for me!
I will always love you..
So that was it, our last weekend in a really long time. Its going to be hard, but i think i can do it...Its going to feel good to get a grip of your own life again. Learn to get to know yourself again and become an individual.
So jonas left...and then chris left...and i got new bed sheats. first i got wine red with golden chineese marks on, but then i switched to black with golden chineese marks on, it suits my room better.
So....I got my period, so im a little emotionall, but its not that bad. However it hurts like a motherfucker, since i havent had it for 2 months. ..well..as chris said; " now we know your not pregnant", well i dont care i still hate having periods.
Lucky ayaan, she is so malenurished that she doesnt even get it anymore, haha i should try that. Maybe starve myself so i dont get my period anymore, haha funny...
why am i crying?...stupid song, why am i listening to it...it just makes me cry...but yet i cant stop...
311 - Love song
So jonas left...and then chris left...and i got new bed sheats. first i got wine red with golden chineese marks on, but then i switched to black with golden chineese marks on, it suits my room better.
So....I got my period, so im a little emotionall, but its not that bad. However it hurts like a motherfucker, since i havent had it for 2 months. ..well..as chris said; " now we know your not pregnant", well i dont care i still hate having periods.
Lucky ayaan, she is so malenurished that she doesnt even get it anymore, haha i should try that. Maybe starve myself so i dont get my period anymore, haha funny...
why am i crying?...stupid song, why am i listening to it...it just makes me cry...but yet i cant stop...
311 - Love song
Whenever I'm alone with you
You make me feel like I am home again
Whenever I'm alone with you
You make me feel like I am whole again
Whenever I'm alone with you
You make me feel like I am young again
Whenever I'm alone with you
You make me feel like I am fun again
How ever far away
I will always love you
How ever long I stay
I will always love you
Whatever words I say
I will always love you
I will always love you
Whenever I'm alone with you
You make me feel like I am free again
Whenever I'm alone with you
You make me feel like I am clean again
How ever far away
I will always love you
How ever long I stay
I will always love you
Whatever words I say
I will always love you
I will always love you
Crying.....
So me and chris decided to go on a break. I just couldent handle being his 5th priority anymore. He just doesn't have the time for me anymore, and i dont want to putt anymore pressure on him than he already has from everywhere else. I know he can be the guy for me, and thats what i fell inlove with. But once he stops being that guy...i just dont feel like im with him anymore. So im just waiting for his life to get easier, and have less pressure so that he can finally have the time for me that he always used to.
But thats not why im crying....I just realised....im all alone....i have no one...no one that i can truly just do whatever i want with, go out partying and doing all crazy stuff. Some one that can understand me, someone that can be there for me...i have no one. Alex moved to gbg, im not with chris anymore, and now jonas is moving to stockholm....who am i left with that i am somewhat close to and can do anything with?.
No one...I dident have that many friends from the beginning...but now....i have no one.....
Im afraid of what i might do, and what might happen to me......Last time i got saved, this time it might go really bad.
But thats not why im crying....I just realised....im all alone....i have no one...no one that i can truly just do whatever i want with, go out partying and doing all crazy stuff. Some one that can understand me, someone that can be there for me...i have no one. Alex moved to gbg, im not with chris anymore, and now jonas is moving to stockholm....who am i left with that i am somewhat close to and can do anything with?.
No one...I dident have that many friends from the beginning...but now....i have no one.....
My Day....
Well I guess no one wants to hear my life phylosophies, and the thoughts that lay deep inside my mind depriving me from what we all may call sanity. All you want to hear is...what i do during the day....LAME!
Ok so today i woke up in time! its a miracle haha, i went to my math D class, and it was fun. I understood most of it. But then again my mind works in a way that i understand fast and easy, but i forget it just as fast and easy. Its like that part of my brain just stais in school and doesnt come home with me. Which ofcourse makes homework extremly difficult. Oh and Georgi is in my class, we dident say hi to eachother. Its not like i cared. Oh me and rebecka started talking about how much he has changed, and how wierd he is now. And we had a nice little giggle about it. haha it felt like highschool.
Then i came home, and i saw my dad on the way while he was walking the dog. He has really started getting controle over the dog, its difficult and it takes acouple of times, but once he obays he stais that way. Which is good. Because the dog is starting to get old and as they say...You cant teach an old dog new tricks . When i was home i slept..it was nice!.
Then at 18.00 i had dance practise..oh how i love dancing and really sweatting! ive forgot my love for working out. I have to buy a swimming card NOW NOW NOW. I think im going to do it on friday. YAAY im so excited to start swiming again!. They say the spring fashion is verry formfitting, so laidies better start working on their bodies!.
Oh and i watched idol ofcourse haha its so entertaining!. And then i got a phone call from a salesperson, selling aolevera tablets and rosenrot tablets, it only cost 78kr or something, since the product was free...so i said yeah sure why not, i can afford it. The rosenrot is supose to give me more energy..and we all know im in desperate need of it!
I guess thats it...since i slept earlier im not tired right now..which is really bad, since i have to wake up early tomorrow. But oh well..as they say..You made your bed and now you have to sleep in it. Unfortunatly im not sleepy.
I walk the bridge of life, trying not to step through the missing planks, the scenery is so beautiful and destracting that i dont seem to realise that the bridge leads right into the water.
Ok so today i woke up in time! its a miracle haha, i went to my math D class, and it was fun. I understood most of it. But then again my mind works in a way that i understand fast and easy, but i forget it just as fast and easy. Its like that part of my brain just stais in school and doesnt come home with me. Which ofcourse makes homework extremly difficult. Oh and Georgi is in my class, we dident say hi to eachother. Its not like i cared. Oh me and rebecka started talking about how much he has changed, and how wierd he is now. And we had a nice little giggle about it. haha it felt like highschool.
Then i came home, and i saw my dad on the way while he was walking the dog. He has really started getting controle over the dog, its difficult and it takes acouple of times, but once he obays he stais that way. Which is good. Because the dog is starting to get old and as they say...You cant teach an old dog new tricks . When i was home i slept..it was nice!.
Then at 18.00 i had dance practise..oh how i love dancing and really sweatting! ive forgot my love for working out. I have to buy a swimming card NOW NOW NOW. I think im going to do it on friday. YAAY im so excited to start swiming again!. They say the spring fashion is verry formfitting, so laidies better start working on their bodies!.
Oh and i watched idol ofcourse haha its so entertaining!. And then i got a phone call from a salesperson, selling aolevera tablets and rosenrot tablets, it only cost 78kr or something, since the product was free...so i said yeah sure why not, i can afford it. The rosenrot is supose to give me more energy..and we all know im in desperate need of it!
I guess thats it...since i slept earlier im not tired right now..which is really bad, since i have to wake up early tomorrow. But oh well..as they say..You made your bed and now you have to sleep in it. Unfortunatly im not sleepy.
I walk the bridge of life, trying not to step through the missing planks, the scenery is so beautiful and destracting that i dont seem to realise that the bridge leads right into the water.
My Deep Thoughts At A Lan.
Woah...have i been lazy or WHAT?...haha i'm so sorry everybody. I've just been really physically not well. I've been tired, having constant headaches, fatigue ( which basicly means exhaustion for those who dont know), low blood value, and i almost fanted this week. I honestly dont know what is wrong with me. The first thing that came to my mind was that i might be pregnant, so i took a test and the results were negative. So now i dont know..im so confused, and i keep gaining weight!! its crazy!, ive never been this heavy in my whole life! its not normal. I HAVE to start working out again, atleast now i have dance once a week. But its not enough, i have to start swimming everyday like i used to do.
anyways thats enough of blogging, lets wright something meaningfull.
hmm......OH! haha latley my dad has been on a powertrip, he is so crazy, he complains and yells at everything we do! The other night my dad was all like " this family is so unhealthy all our food is always fried, and mom doesnt excersise anymore, and there is not going to be anymore indian cooking in this house!, if you want indian food, you can go to a restaurant, and bla bla bla". And then he sais " there is nothing to eat in this house"...and you know what he does?!...HE GOES AND DEEP FRIES SHRIMP!!!, thats like the most unhealthy thing you can do!! hahah omg talk about hypocrytical. But i can kind of understand why he is all crazy, he is surounded by 4 girls..so yeah, basicly any male person would go crazy.
oh no thats blogging again..damit and i wanted to write something meaninfull!...lets try that again..
hmm....ugh...i suck, my mind is blank, empty....I have an idea!. Why dont YOU the people that are reading this, write a comment about something they want me to talk about!. It can be ANYTHING!. And i'll write my thoughts about it in that professional good english kind of way!
I guess i'll be here waiting for a comment....so write one....NOW! GO! GO! GO!.
anyways thats enough of blogging, lets wright something meaningfull.
hmm......OH! haha latley my dad has been on a powertrip, he is so crazy, he complains and yells at everything we do! The other night my dad was all like " this family is so unhealthy all our food is always fried, and mom doesnt excersise anymore, and there is not going to be anymore indian cooking in this house!, if you want indian food, you can go to a restaurant, and bla bla bla". And then he sais " there is nothing to eat in this house"...and you know what he does?!...HE GOES AND DEEP FRIES SHRIMP!!!, thats like the most unhealthy thing you can do!! hahah omg talk about hypocrytical. But i can kind of understand why he is all crazy, he is surounded by 4 girls..so yeah, basicly any male person would go crazy.
oh no thats blogging again..damit and i wanted to write something meaninfull!...lets try that again..
hmm....ugh...i suck, my mind is blank, empty....I have an idea!. Why dont YOU the people that are reading this, write a comment about something they want me to talk about!. It can be ANYTHING!. And i'll write my thoughts about it in that professional good english kind of way!
I guess i'll be here waiting for a comment....so write one....NOW! GO! GO! GO!.
weekend wonderness
Well, there are two reasons why i havent updated, nr one: I dont update untill some one has commented. So dont just read, comment too! nr two: I havent been home =P.
So friday i went to frimis and partied!! the whole night was all about drinking, associating, and even some dancing! haha but i have to say, dancing with only guy isnt as fun as dancing with your girlfriends. Unfortunatley i was drinking from a bottle and some one backed right in to me, and i got the bottle right on my teeth and it cracked, a little pieace came off.
Anyways the night ended in disaster, everyone got mad, and then i got mad and then i walked to chris place in the middle of the night all by my self!. and waited outside his door for like 2 hours, untill everyone came.
Saturday was a chill day, with eating takeout, and watching movies. lets just say it was the perfect hangover day.
And today me and chris went to the movies, we watched harry potter. haha after seeing all of them, you just have to see the rest. Its impossible not too. Its just so weird of how old they are now.
So friday i went to frimis and partied!! the whole night was all about drinking, associating, and even some dancing! haha but i have to say, dancing with only guy isnt as fun as dancing with your girlfriends. Unfortunatley i was drinking from a bottle and some one backed right in to me, and i got the bottle right on my teeth and it cracked, a little pieace came off.
Anyways the night ended in disaster, everyone got mad, and then i got mad and then i walked to chris place in the middle of the night all by my self!. and waited outside his door for like 2 hours, untill everyone came.
Saturday was a chill day, with eating takeout, and watching movies. lets just say it was the perfect hangover day.
And today me and chris went to the movies, we watched harry potter. haha after seeing all of them, you just have to see the rest. Its impossible not too. Its just so weird of how old they are now.
So i saw bridge to terabithia again, that movie makes me emotional. And not even because of the plot of the movie, Its all the thoughts that go through my mind...
Its just that...im a sagittarious, we are known to be free spirited, and that is what i am, im a free spirit..but in this day and age i dont get to be that person. I want to just be able to, run around on a field..dance in the rain..go on a adventure hunt in the forest, or just drive around with no destination...i just want to feel Free, But doing all that is looked upon as childish, and i dont want people to see me as an imature girl. I want to be able to be who i am, and have people appreachate that.
Its just that...im a sagittarious, we are known to be free spirited, and that is what i am, im a free spirit..but in this day and age i dont get to be that person. I want to just be able to, run around on a field..dance in the rain..go on a adventure hunt in the forest, or just drive around with no destination...i just want to feel Free, But doing all that is looked upon as childish, and i dont want people to see me as an imature girl. I want to be able to be who i am, and have people appreachate that.
To be honest, im afraid to grow up. Now dont get my wrong, being an adult sounds exciting and there are alot of things that i want, like getting a real job, getting married, starting a family and all that. But what im afraid of is how my spirit and mind is going to handle all that. Growing older just means more responsibility and it takes away alot of freedom, which you have when you are young. And how am i supose to be able to do what makes me happy, these child-like things that grants my mind and soul of what i call happyness, careless-ness and just the feeling of being free.
Gum dropp rain and chocolate rivers
So its my last week of summer vaccation. and not alot is happening. so lets see...
Yesterday: I stayed in my bed all day and night watching movies, i cant even remember witch movies i watched, but it was alot. And i dident even have to go down to get something to eat, my mom and dad kept bringing me stuff all the time haha, it was like i was sick. it felt niice. Jonas went to gbg yesterday...aaw now i have no one to hang out with.
well im actually excited to start school, it feels like a relief, and i hope i meet some cool people i can hang out with. I desperatly need more friends. Well today i guess im not going to do anything...just sit in my bed i guess haha, im such a lazy pig.
Yesterday: I stayed in my bed all day and night watching movies, i cant even remember witch movies i watched, but it was alot. And i dident even have to go down to get something to eat, my mom and dad kept bringing me stuff all the time haha, it was like i was sick. it felt niice. Jonas went to gbg yesterday...aaw now i have no one to hang out with.
well im actually excited to start school, it feels like a relief, and i hope i meet some cool people i can hang out with. I desperatly need more friends. Well today i guess im not going to do anything...just sit in my bed i guess haha, im such a lazy pig.
That girl needs a reality check
How random isn't life?, yesterday i was so sad, and then it all changed. I ended up going to chris' house and i had an amazing time. We ate and saw movies and stuff.
So today i woke up at his house, waked him up so he could go to school. Took the bus with him and then changed bus to go home...i came home and found out sabina tried to kill herself and overdosed on pills. ( dont worry she went to the hospital and they made her throw everything up, she is fine now). I dont know how to react to that, i just think she's so stupid and immature. She has absolutly NO reason to do that. If she lived back in India then i would have understood. But here in sweden we gave her an oppertunity to have a life. and she doesnt even realise it. The psyciatrist told us she wanted to be like a 3 year old little child, be nurtured and get attention. WTF? I just feel sorry for my mom, she has to deal with So much. and she doesnt even deserve it. I say get her high on drugs. give her som kind of cooling out drugs that wont make her so stupid.
I know it sounds bad, but its true..she has a mind set of a little child and yet she is capable to do so much bad things. its STUPID. I just dont want to deal with it. She has totally lost my respect. That girl needs a serious reality check. I mean look around you! You have a home, a family, you get to go to school, you have a chanse for a future. And you dont even realise it. I think they should send her back to India to make her realise how good she has it here.
I ate chineese food today. My dad was so kind to buy some for me...however. my stomach did not appreachiate it...i felt the stomach pains afterwards.
Then at night jonas and i took a walk...we came back to my place so he could get his hair braded by lia, and we watched movies. We watched Bridge to Terabithia, which i higly recomend!. Its about these kids that play in the woods and live a fantisy life. It started to make me think
When i was young, we use to do that too...we played in the woods and made up a fantisy world, and used are imagination and creativity. However I dont think alot of kids do that anymore, everything has become so digital, and passive..with TV and computer games. Not alot of kids are out in the woods playing, and making up worlds.
I wish i was a kid again and could do that , I would have really apprechiated it.
I dreamt of fairies again...It was magical
So today i woke up at his house, waked him up so he could go to school. Took the bus with him and then changed bus to go home...i came home and found out sabina tried to kill herself and overdosed on pills. ( dont worry she went to the hospital and they made her throw everything up, she is fine now). I dont know how to react to that, i just think she's so stupid and immature. She has absolutly NO reason to do that. If she lived back in India then i would have understood. But here in sweden we gave her an oppertunity to have a life. and she doesnt even realise it. The psyciatrist told us she wanted to be like a 3 year old little child, be nurtured and get attention. WTF? I just feel sorry for my mom, she has to deal with So much. and she doesnt even deserve it. I say get her high on drugs. give her som kind of cooling out drugs that wont make her so stupid.
I know it sounds bad, but its true..she has a mind set of a little child and yet she is capable to do so much bad things. its STUPID. I just dont want to deal with it. She has totally lost my respect. That girl needs a serious reality check. I mean look around you! You have a home, a family, you get to go to school, you have a chanse for a future. And you dont even realise it. I think they should send her back to India to make her realise how good she has it here.
I ate chineese food today. My dad was so kind to buy some for me...however. my stomach did not appreachiate it...i felt the stomach pains afterwards.
Then at night jonas and i took a walk...we came back to my place so he could get his hair braded by lia, and we watched movies. We watched Bridge to Terabithia, which i higly recomend!. Its about these kids that play in the woods and live a fantisy life. It started to make me think
When i was young, we use to do that too...we played in the woods and made up a fantisy world, and used are imagination and creativity. However I dont think alot of kids do that anymore, everything has become so digital, and passive..with TV and computer games. Not alot of kids are out in the woods playing, and making up worlds.
I wish i was a kid again and could do that , I would have really apprechiated it.
I dreamt of fairies again...It was magical
and so again...
I knew it was going to happen, i dident even get my hopes up this time....i was expecting this to happen. So why do i still feel so dissapointed?...and sad..I guess i had one ounce of hope left. That ounce of hope is the problem. I have to stop hoping, even if its just so little that i dont even realise it. I have to kill hope. Only then will i be so numb that i dont feel anything. Only then will i not let anything get to me. Only then will i be happy?
* I hope you find some one that you love so much that you will never want to leave that person, you want to be with that person all the time.....Just like i loved you.
And they rise in the morning, and they sleep in the dark. and even when though nobody is looking....she's falling apart.
It feels like my life has no meaning...like all these things happen around me...but my life just stands still
* I told another lie today, and i got through the day...no one saw through my games.
I want to be so numb that you can break my heart, rip it out, stomp on it, spit on it, feed it to the dogs....and i wont feel anything. Now That is complete bliz, happyness to the fullest degree.
* I hope you find some one that you love so much that you will never want to leave that person, you want to be with that person all the time.....Just like i loved you.
And they rise in the morning, and they sleep in the dark. and even when though nobody is looking....she's falling apart.
It feels like my life has no meaning...like all these things happen around me...but my life just stands still
* I told another lie today, and i got through the day...no one saw through my games.
I want to be so numb that you can break my heart, rip it out, stomp on it, spit on it, feed it to the dogs....and i wont feel anything. Now That is complete bliz, happyness to the fullest degree.
Morning Rant
BANG! I woke up and thought to myself, what the fuck was that?. BANG! i heard it again, i finally woke up only to realise it was the sound from shotguns. remembering that there is some kind of shooting range behind the woods and though i hear the sound from the guns almost everyday, i never thought it would be this loud. I thought to myself that it is probebly a good time to wake up, I looked at my cellphone to see what time it was. 8:12. WHAT THE HELL?!?
All these thoughts went racing through my mind.
Who the hell shots guns at 8 in the morning?! the echo through the woods make the sound so loud like it was a chinees newyear. Dont they realise there are only families with children in this neighbourhood? And its a SATURDAY!. everyone has been working the whole week and they want to be able to sleep in on this wonderuss day we call weekend. And not to mention all the little babies that have been crying all night and then they finally fall asleep, only to wake up again with this penetrating pain in their ears which is the sound from the guns. And the most important part of all, Im hung over damit!
I was THIS close to call the police and be like; they must be breaking some kind of noise law or something?!.
well i couldent fall back to sleep, luckly i wasent extremly hungover or i would most defently throw a fit.
On a lighter side. I HAD SO MUCH FUN LAST NIGHT!!!!!. damn i havent just let go and dance all night like that in forever! it feelt so good! it was like the perfect night.
oh and today im going on a crayfish party ( haha thats how you translate it, funny i know). With mr jonas. Gosh ive been craving crayfish or lobster for so long! i hope it turns out as a good day.
Im home alone today, my whole family just left for gothenburg this morning. I dident even know they were going. They just left me here....i feel so leftbehind...
HAHA JUST KIDDING!!!. I love every single one of you!!
I wish to be free, I wish to be care-less, I wish to be free-spirited with no one judgeing you, I wish to be able to run in the fields, I wish to laugh, I wish to cry from happyness, I wish to bring out the child in me, I wish to lay in the grass looking at the sky, I wish to roll around enjoying being dizzy, But most of all...I wish you would wish the same.
All these thoughts went racing through my mind.
Who the hell shots guns at 8 in the morning?! the echo through the woods make the sound so loud like it was a chinees newyear. Dont they realise there are only families with children in this neighbourhood? And its a SATURDAY!. everyone has been working the whole week and they want to be able to sleep in on this wonderuss day we call weekend. And not to mention all the little babies that have been crying all night and then they finally fall asleep, only to wake up again with this penetrating pain in their ears which is the sound from the guns. And the most important part of all, Im hung over damit!
I was THIS close to call the police and be like; they must be breaking some kind of noise law or something?!.
well i couldent fall back to sleep, luckly i wasent extremly hungover or i would most defently throw a fit.
On a lighter side. I HAD SO MUCH FUN LAST NIGHT!!!!!. damn i havent just let go and dance all night like that in forever! it feelt so good! it was like the perfect night.
oh and today im going on a crayfish party ( haha thats how you translate it, funny i know). With mr jonas. Gosh ive been craving crayfish or lobster for so long! i hope it turns out as a good day.
Im home alone today, my whole family just left for gothenburg this morning. I dident even know they were going. They just left me here....i feel so leftbehind...
HAHA JUST KIDDING!!!. I love every single one of you!!
I wish to be free, I wish to be care-less, I wish to be free-spirited with no one judgeing you, I wish to be able to run in the fields, I wish to laugh, I wish to cry from happyness, I wish to bring out the child in me, I wish to lay in the grass looking at the sky, I wish to roll around enjoying being dizzy, But most of all...I wish you would wish the same.
Coffie in the morning.
Well today is my start of my new way of live, my way of making a change, and to celebrate that im actually going to re model my room a little. But i guess i have to start cleaning my room first. oh and johanna is coming over to pre-party so i guess im in a kinda hurry. But thats typicall me, never stress even if i actually should. But somehow everything seem to work out in the end.
So tonight is my Girls night out!. It actually feels good that chris isnt here, wait before you get any thought, hear me out first! Usually when i have girls night out, i cant enjoy myself because i just want to go home to chris and be with him, and so i dont enjoy the night. But since he is not here, i dont have to think about that and i can actually have fun tonight!.
Im going out with johanna, but i think i'll be meeting jonas and his friends when we're out. i hope johan comes too =)
Swedish weather is SO WIERD! It was raning for like 2 hours and now its sunny. well i guess its good, because then you get to see a rainbow! YAAY
Since i just woke up i dont have much on my mind. no wise words, or indept thoughts, but i'll leave you with this:
In the journey of life, you will meet lots of people, some stay and some go, some stay with you, while some are just a meer memory, some may hurt you while others bring you joy. But wherever life takes you and whatever life puts you through. remember this; the only thing that you will always have, the one constant thing you can always rely on is You. Because in the end the only person you have left, is yourself. So every choice you have to make, make sure it is for your best, and your interest. Treat yourself as king of your own land. because that is what you are.
So tonight is my Girls night out!. It actually feels good that chris isnt here, wait before you get any thought, hear me out first! Usually when i have girls night out, i cant enjoy myself because i just want to go home to chris and be with him, and so i dont enjoy the night. But since he is not here, i dont have to think about that and i can actually have fun tonight!.
Im going out with johanna, but i think i'll be meeting jonas and his friends when we're out. i hope johan comes too =)
Swedish weather is SO WIERD! It was raning for like 2 hours and now its sunny. well i guess its good, because then you get to see a rainbow! YAAY
Since i just woke up i dont have much on my mind. no wise words, or indept thoughts, but i'll leave you with this:
In the journey of life, you will meet lots of people, some stay and some go, some stay with you, while some are just a meer memory, some may hurt you while others bring you joy. But wherever life takes you and whatever life puts you through. remember this; the only thing that you will always have, the one constant thing you can always rely on is You. Because in the end the only person you have left, is yourself. So every choice you have to make, make sure it is for your best, and your interest. Treat yourself as king of your own land. because that is what you are.
Time for change
Im done living like this, im not myself anymore, im so sick and tired of living in this body, its growing in every way and i dont want it, i want it to stop!. I want to go back to my old exhousting ways. The ruitine i used to have, it fullfilled me in every way. i dident need anything else and i was Happy . I felt I accomplished something good for myself.
ITS TIME FOR A CHANGE!.
There is no better feeling than the euphoria you get after accomplishing a goal. the enternal bliz you feel wile you are there. and not to mention the high you feel after a couple of days.
* I think im allergic to cats.
So Chris is on the westcoast of sweden for 4 days, before he left i thought i was going to die without him, but now that he is gone, its not that bad. Im not dieing and to be honest i dont miss him that much. now This is a good thing! I dont want to be obsessed about him anymore. And plus i want him to know a life without me, even if it is only for a couple of days.
* coffie is an excelent source of laxetive
I guess thats it, one last question:
Do You Believe In Fairies?
ITS TIME FOR A CHANGE!.
There is no better feeling than the euphoria you get after accomplishing a goal. the enternal bliz you feel wile you are there. and not to mention the high you feel after a couple of days.
* I think im allergic to cats.
So Chris is on the westcoast of sweden for 4 days, before he left i thought i was going to die without him, but now that he is gone, its not that bad. Im not dieing and to be honest i dont miss him that much. now This is a good thing! I dont want to be obsessed about him anymore. And plus i want him to know a life without me, even if it is only for a couple of days.
* coffie is an excelent source of laxetive
I guess thats it, one last question:
Do You Believe In Fairies?